I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
