I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
