ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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