she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
