just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
