I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
