my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
