When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
