I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
