I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
