I bet he comes in French.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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