My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
then he tried to convert me to islam
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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