I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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