You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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