i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
