new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
