we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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