yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
