I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
