Swine flu. Run for my life!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Terrible idea I love it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
