We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
