Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
