Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
