He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
