youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
