Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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