Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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