oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
