Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
