i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
