hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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