yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
