why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
