After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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