I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
