Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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