You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
