If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
