Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
