i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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