I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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