I can tuck mytits in my pants
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
