that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
