I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
