What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
