I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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