Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
