Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
