i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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