Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
