FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
