i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
