Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
