names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
