just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
