Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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